


Cut To The Feeling

by iwishiwaskidding



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Confessions, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Handholding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28070376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwishiwaskidding/pseuds/iwishiwaskidding
Summary: Duncan admits something to himself, and it turns out for the best.
Relationships: Courtney/Duncan (Total Drama)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Cut To The Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Coda to Up The Creek... Day one of Duncney week: beginnings or reconnecting. I went with beginnings.

Duncan sits on the steps of the Killer Bass cabin and checks his watch again. It’s twenty minutes past the time he and Courtney agreed upon, and he feels pathetic holding on to the hope that she’s still going to walk through that door. She’s never been late to anything in the few weeks that he’s known her. He’s been stood up.

He doesn’t care. He doesn’t. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach, but that has nothing to do with this. Dinner was sus. It’s probably that. Whatever the reason, it’s not because the sorta (totally) hot girl he’s kinda (totally) into ditched him for God knows what. The pain in his chest is heartburn and nothing else. Not disappointment. Not insecurity. And definitely not sadness.

It’s just… they’ve been spending a lot of time together recently. It started after the talent competition, Courtney upset about her violin and Duncan catching her at the wrong (right) time. They hung out a little, and, to both of their immense surprise, it didn’t suck. She felt better, and he… it didn’t suck. It was the start of a tentative friendship and created a habit of hanging out two or three nights a week just walking around camp and talking. Since the last challenge three days ago, it had been every night. Until tonight.

She told him she’d meet him at 8:30 at the end of dinner, and it’s almost nine. He doesn’t know what changed since then. Did she finally realize she’s better than him in every single way and shouldn’t be hanging around trash like him? Because it’s true, despite whatever air of cockiness he tries to give off. Whatever. He’s better off without her.

Then, the door opens behind him. He doesn’t look to see who it is, but he sits up a little straighter in case it’s her. He tells himself he doesn’t care one way or another, but he doesn’t know what he’ll do if it’s not her. If it’s, like, fucking Bridgette coming to tell him Courtney says to get lost.

“You’re still here,” Courtney sighs as she sits down next to him. He turns to look at her, and her relief is etched onto her pretty face. “Good. I didn’t know if you would be, but I’m really glad you are. I hope it’s not too late to hang out because I’d really like that. I understand if you don’t want to, though. I wasn’t respectful of your time.”

“It’s cool. Not too late,” Duncan says in a way he hopes nonchalant, but he’s screaming on the inside. She hasn’t ditched him yet. Miraculously, his stomachache is gone. It’s unrelated. “You wanna get out of here?”

Courtney smiles at him, nods, “yes, please. God, this day has been so long. I’ve been looking forward to this all evening. I’m sorry I was late.”

“It’s cool,” he repeats, the screaming getting louder. She was looking forward to spending time with him. Damn. It makes him feel warm in a way he doesn’t totally appreciate. “What took you?”

“You don’t want to know.” She stands, and he follows suit. They start walking their typical route towards the woods. “There’s this whole thing going on right now with Bridgette and Geoff. I don’t really know or care, but I promised her I would help. I thought it would take maybe ten minutes. It didn’t, but I couldn’t find a way to get out of it without coming off as rude.”

“Was it about that dumb gift he made her?” Duncan asks, and she makes a positive sound. “Yeah. I stayed out of that mess the best I could. I really don’t give a fuck about whatever shit he always finds himself in.”

Taking a step closer to him, Courtney giggles. It’s not a sound he hears often, but he loves it more than he should. It’s light and airy and perfect. More perfect that he’s the one that made her giggle. God, he sucks. “I wish. I spent all day hearing this and that about Geoff and how brainless he is and how great his hair looks. As much as I appreciate Bridgette, I’m over it. It’s the only thing I’ve talked about today. Do you know how exhausting that is?”

Duncan laughs, “yeah. I do. That’s why I stayed out of it. I also just don’t care at all.” He pauses, glances at her despite it being too dark to see her clearly. He wishes he could. “We don’t have to talk about it now. I can think of a million things more interesting than that shit.”

“I’d like that a lot. I always seem to enjoy myself the most with you.” She takes another half-step closer to him, and the back of her hand brushes against his. He chokes on air as tingles shoot up his spine. He’s pathetic, but he can’t bring himself to care when she says things like that.

It’s time to stop pretending that he’s barely interested in her. His feelings are more than just vague curiosity about what she’s like when she’s completely chilled and if she’d make out with him if he asked.

He’s told himself countless times he doesn’t like her in that way, but it’s a lie. He likes it when it’s just the two of them together; she’s better to talk to than both DJ and Geoff. He likes it when they touch, whether it’s accidental or on purpose. He likes it when she smiles and giggles, and he can see how beautiful she is. He likes her. It’s not something he wants to deal with right now. Or ever, really. He thinks it would be easier if he could just kiss her and be done with it.

Their hands brush against each other’s again, and the effect is the same. He doesn’t want the brief contact to end, and he impulsively wraps his hand around hers. It’ll be okay, probably. They’ve held hands before, but never for longer than a few seconds. He feels her eyes on him, but he keeps looking straight ahead. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, then it’s not a big thing.

“That’s cos I’m the coolest person here, darling. You should consider yourself lucky to be in my presence.” That’s probably a mistake, but he’s desperate for anything to call her attention away from the handholding. He hopes that it’s enough to work her up but not too much that she lets go of his hand. It’s a fine line, one he’s gotten dangerously good at walking.

Courtney groans and takes a step away from him, but she doesn’t let go of his hand. He’ll take it. “I take it back. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah right, you liar. I’m a lot of things, but annoying ain’t one of them. And you can’t take it back; you already said it. I already know how much you enjoy me.” This time, Duncan takes the step closer to her as he takes a deep, preparatory breath. “Same, though. I enjoy you a whole lot, too.”

“Oh, Duncan… I mean it. You’re so frustrating.” Her words are harsh, but she reaches her free hand across her body and places it on his bicep, lightly squeezing the muscle. It’s the most affectionate she’s ever consciously been with him, and he wants it to always be like this. “Sometimes I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you.”

There’s an uncertainty and softness in her voice he’s never heard before, and it makes him think maybe she feels the same way he does. It definitely sounds like how he feels, anyway. “Back atcha,” he mumbles.

Pressing the side of her body against his, Courtney shifts her hand until their fingers are intertwined instead of the loose hold he initiated. She’s killing him tonight in a way he never expected from either of them. He never thought that she’d be so cozy with him or that he’d love it so much. That he’d forget how to breathe with each increased contact between them. He wishes she’d say something so he could gage what she’s thinking because he has no idea.

“Duncan?” she asks after a few minutes of quiet. The uncertainty and softness are still there in her voice.

“Yeah?” He looks down at her, squinting so he can really see her. She’s looking back up at him, and her face is unreadable. Not that he’s ever been great at reading it. “Court?”

“Nothing,” Courtney shakes her head. “Never mind.” Duncan nods and looks back to the path. He has a feeling there’s something she actually wants to say, but he lets it lie. He doesn’t want to push her when he’s holding on to something, too. Something that’s likely similar to her thing. They fall into another short silence. Then, “Duncan?”

He looks at her again, wonders if she’ll actually manage to get it out this time. He hopes so. “Yes?”

She opens her mouth but closes it just a quickly and looks away from him. He suppresses a sigh as he waits for the inevitable second dismissal. Sure enough, “no. Nothing.”

“Okay.” Frowning, he keeps his gaze trained on her. He hates her current inability to speak to him. He wants to know her, wants her to tell him things.

There’s another stretch of silence, the third in so many minutes, but this one is louder than the previous two. Duncan can’t stand it. There has to be a way to move on from this standstill she created. Watching her, he tries to find it, but his mind is blank. She sends him a glance, but it doesn’t last longer than a couple of seconds. This would be so much easier if he could catch her eyes.

Then, finally, he breaks. This isn’t why he waited around for thirty minutes to spend time with her. The physical touch is the only thing he enjoys about this, but the overbearing silence almost ruins it. He wants to remember this night for the handholding and arm touching and side pressing. Not this uneasiness.

“Okay, I know you’re not just saying my name for the Hell of it,” he says, and her face snaps to him. He finally gets that eye contact he wanted. Unsurprisingly, it does not make things easier. Why did he think it would help? “What is it, Princess? And don’t say ‘nothing’ cos I know it’s not. Spit it out.” Humiliation floods her face, and it’s not ambiguous. Shit. Not good. “I mean, you can tell me whatever. We don’t have to be all weird and quiet.”

“Sorry. I… sorry.” Looking down at the ground, Courtney’s hand falls from his arm. Right away he misses the touch, but he’s more concerned over the fact that he just said the totally wrong thing. She’s embarrassed, and it’s his fault. He shouldn’t have said that, and he shouldn’t have said it so aggressively.

Instead of letting the tension between them grow any heavier, Duncan ignores his pride and talks from his heart, a truly terrifying thing. He’s made a point not to show a genuine feeling all summer, something he’s mostly succeeded at, but this girl… She’s going to be the death of him. He needs her to know that she’s okay.

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry, though.” She looks at him again, her eyes wide, and he keeps talking. “I shouldn’t have pushed like that. It’s just… you make me nervous sometimes. I’m not used to that.”

Her entire body relaxing, she nods in a way he hopes he doesn’t only mistake as understanding. “Only sometimes?”

Yep. She definitely understands, and he almost wants to laugh at her not quite question. It would be funny it didn’t expose him so much. He’s always nervous around her, has been since the camping challenge when he woke with her head on his chest and realized (but didn’t confront) that this is more than a crush.

He’s never liked a girl this much. He’s never wanted to hold someone’s hand or make someone smile or even just talk to someone for a while. He wants all that with her. This is all new for him, and it’s unnerving. And, if he had to guess, she’s right there with him on this. It only makes him feel a little better.

“No. It’s more of an all the time thing now.” His thumb brushes her hand. “But it’s good. Less anxious and more… electrified. Like, just whenever you’re around.”

“Oh? Very interesting to hear. You know, I’d be incredibly remiss not to inform you that you make me nervous, too. Constantly.” Her hand finds his arm again, and he can’t help but smile. She should never move it. “The good kind. Nervous-excited, if you will.”

He makes her nervous, too. In an excited kind of way. In the same amount that she makes him feel nervous. He’s convinced the similarities in their feelings don’t end there. This girl is (probably) just as into him as he is her. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with that.

Part of him wants to confess everything, tell her that he likes her and wants to hold her hand forever. Hopefully, she’ll return the sentiment, and they can. The other part wants to move away from this vulnerable conversation, bottle everything he’s feeling up and say something that’ll piss her off. She won’t have the option to reject him, then. Not that he’s worried about that. Or about how she’ll be upset with him if he does that.

Ultimately, he decides on something between the two. He can’t leave this conversation hanging between them for the rest of the night, but he’s already too exposed. Besides, he wouldn’t even know how to tell her. He’s never felt like this before. Until now.

“I’d rather be nervous and excited than bored out of my mind, though. And every other person on this damn island is boring as fuck. Only you aren’t. We should stick together.” Duncan brings their hands to his chest, pressing the back of hers against it. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? Uhm… nothing yet. I’ll probably just hang out in the cabin for most of the day. Why?” Thinly veiled expectation is present in her voice.

“Just wondering.” He shrugs and pretends that what he’s about to say isn’t as big of a deal as it actually is. “Maybe we could hang out some. If you wanted. Since you’re not doing anything. I’m not either.”

Courtney nods enthusiastically, an instant smile of her lips, and he’s relieved. “Yes! I mean… yes. I’d really like that, actually. Even if I did have something planned, I’d still make time for you. To hang out. Yeah.” She pauses, squeezes his arm. “Duncan, that might be the best idea I’ve heard all day, and I’ve heard a lot of ideas.”

He has to laugh. She’s so cute, a description he’s never cared to apply to anyone before, and she said yes. Hell, she said more than yes. Why did he wait so long to admit his feelings to himself? He could have already had this.

“Cool. It’s a plan, then.” He grins at her, a genuinely happy one as opposed to his default unconcerned. “After breakfast? Or is that too soon?”

“After breakfast is great. I think we’ve already established that you and I need not bother with anyone else. Why should we only hang out in the evening? The morning works just as well.”

Confidence with a hint of superiority oozes from her words. He doesn’t know how she can go from totally cute to downright sexy in the course of a minute, but somehow she’s managed. It only makes him more attracted to her. They’re at opposite ends of the spectrum, but she pulls both off so well. He thinks she could pull anything off if she had the desire.

“Hell yeah, Court. We’re the best ones here.” He laughs and offers his free hand for a high five. She accepts it, laughing along with him. Her hand is only gone from his arm for a couple of seconds. Then, it’s back. “Everyone wishes they could be on our level.”

“Alas, they never will be,” she shakes her head sadly, and he jokingly clutches his heart.

He hasn’t been able to stop laughing. This is the her he only ever gets to see on these late night walks. When there’s no challenge stressing her out and the cameras are off. He doesn’t know if anyone else here knows this Courtney, but he hopes it can come out more frequently.

They continue to joke around until they end up at the dock. It’s the end of their route, but Duncan doesn’t want it to be over yet. Once they got past all the difficult stuff, tonight has been the most fun he’s had in a long time. Since before he came to the island. He hopes she can say the same thing. She certainly sounded like she was having fun.

For the first time since they left the cabin porch, he can see her plainly. They’re standing under the light from the dock’s lamppost, and he’s happy he doesn’t have to strain his eyes to see her pretty face anymore. It’s so much better to see all her features. He doesn’t want to go.

“So.” He stuffs his hand in his jean pocket. It’s freezing now that she’s not warming it. “I guess this is it.”

“Yeah. I guess so,” she sighs. There’s a wistfulness surrounding her, and he knows he’s not imagining it. “I enjoyed tonight a lot, Duncan. This was really needed after my day. Thank you.”

“No problem. I enjoyed tonight a lot, too. And I’m looking forward to tomorrow.” He doesn’t want to say ‘bye’ yet so he doesn’t. He just keeps looking at her, taking in her beauty.

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she nods. It does something strange to his stomach. “Me too. I really am.”

She leaves it at that, and silence fills the air. Unlike earlier, this one isn’t crushing but peaceful. Neither are willing to be the first to leave, and he appreciates that. They both had a good time, so why should it end yet? Yeah, it’s late, but it’s her. And it’s him for her. He hopes.

In the silence, Duncan’s eyes flicker down to her lips. They’re smiling at him and look so soft and perfect. He wants to kiss her. It’d be an excellent end to the night, and he thinks it might be favorable. Should he, though? She seemed to like it when he held her hand, even lacing their fingers together, but a kiss is different. A kiss is more intimate. There’s no questioning what a kiss means, not that he left the handholding up to interpretation.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on his shoulder, and Courtney’s leaning towards him, and her lips are on his. She’s kissing him. She’s kissing him! He’s too awestruck to react. The girl he likes, the one he just had a great evening with, is kissing him. What’s there to do? Kiss back, but his brain isn’t there yet.

Too soon, it’s over. She lowers herself from her tiptoes and takes her hand off his shoulder. He hears her muttering something under her breath, but he can’t make out the words. The only things going through his mind are ‘ _why’d she stop_?’ and ‘ _how can I get her to do it again_?’ He doesn’t have an answer to either question.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and he snaps out of it. Why is she sorry? She kissed him! He takes her in, and she looks utterly embarrassed. “God. I thought… I thought that was where this was going. I’m so sorry. You were just… you were holding my hand and telling me how nervous I make you and staring at my lips, and I thought you wanted to kiss me, too, but you weren’t, so I did. Obviously you didn’t. Oh, my God. I read this all wrong. I’m going to go now. We don’t need to hang out tomorrow. We can just forget this ever happened. Please? I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He grabs her arm before she can start walking away. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Why would have I not wanted that?”

She glances at the ground between them. “You… you just stood there. I kissed you, and you didn’t kiss me back.”

Fuck. She’s not wrong. He didn’t do anything except shut down. How was she supposed to know it was because of how excited he was that she was kissing him? He needs a redo, needs to show her that he does want to kiss her and that he can kiss her well. It’s the only thing he wants.

“Kiss me again,” he whispers.

Now, he thinks she’s the one out of it. She doesn’t do anything but stare and ask, “what?”

He leans down and rests his forehead on her. “You heard me, Courtney. Kiss me again.”

A cute, sexy whimper comes from the back of her throat as she closes the short distance between their mouths. He instantly responds, opening his mouth and gliding his tongue across her teeth. She opens hers for him, and he slips his tongue into her mouth, licking the back of her teeth as their lips move against each other’s. One of his hands finds her waist and the other tangles itself in her hair. She wraps an arm around his neck.

The kiss lasts several minutes. Duncan puts all of himself in it, and she must be doing the same. It’s the best kiss he’s ever had. Not an exaggeration.

Finally, he pulls away. They’re both breathing heavily, and she looks thoroughly kissed. It makes him want to go back in for a second real kiss, but he holds back.

“That was… wow,” she murmurs, and he has to agree. “I take it you wanted me to kiss you?”

“I was debating whether or not I should kiss you when you did. It kinda shocked me. Wasn’t expecting you to do that, and my brain short circuited. But trust me, I wanted to kiss you. So badly.” He rubs her waist. “Court, how do you feel about doing that again tomorrow? But more than once. A whole lot more than once.”

She giggles, “yes. I’d like that very much.”

“Hoped you would. I don’t plan to stop kissing you any time soon.” He removes his hand from her head, but he keeps the other on her waist. This feels like a much better end to their night, and he could be ready for it to be over.

“Please don’t. It’s really nice.” She unwraps her arm from around him. “But what’s your motivation for all this?”

“I need a motivation for kissing a pretty girl?” he asks, and she giggles again. It’s time to tell her. “I like you, Court.”

Her eyes light up with joy. “Yeah? I thought you might, but I wasn’t sure. I hoped, have been hoping for a little while, and tonight I just… I felt sure. I like you, too. I almost told you earlier.”

She likes him, too. The kissing kind of confirmed it, but it’s nice to hear in words. “Exact same as me. Tonight you kept doing things that made me think you felt the same way I did. I’m never been so happy to be right.” Giving her waist one last rub, he takes his hand from it. “We should go to bed now. We need energy for tomorrow’s activities.”

“I’m sure we do.” She starts walking back towards camp, and he walks with her. “Duncan, what does this mean?”

“What does what mean?” He glances at her. “The kissing? Or the liking each other part?”

She shrugs. “Both, I guess.”

Grabbing her hand, he hums, “hmm. I don’t know. We have all summer to figure that out. But I like you. A bunch. This can only mean something good.”

Stopping just before the cabin steps, she nods. “Okay. Okay. You’re right. It’s something good. So… goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he returns. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? And dream of me. The totally hot guy you’re totally into. I’ll do the same.”

She laughs and falls into his shoulder. He just wraps his arms around her into a hug. This is right, he knows it is. He holds her as she calms down from his hilarity. It takes a minute, but he doesn’t mind. He’s content. This girl, the best girl, likes him. There’s nothing he’d change about right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's the first day of Duncney week! Who's excited? I know I am. Sadly, this is the only day I'm participating in because it takes me approximately ten years to write a simple oneshot, but I'm glad I got this one out. 
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed this, please leave a kudos or comment. I appreciate all of them, especially comments. They motivate me more than anything else. Happy Duncney week!


End file.
